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[27 Aug 2009|05:48pm] i'm paralyzed with fear that i may have lupus. one two three

[22 Jul 2009|06:09pm] i trust people far too easily. i really never thought he'd hurt me like this. i didn't like he was this kind of jerk. and it hurts, really really bad. one two three

[08 Jun 2009|09:02pm] i have so much to say to you so much to tell you ready? one two three

[08 Jun 2009|10:37am] i am stuck in this...uh. in this... oh hell i dont know;. what is this anxiety i am re-experiencing and why did it resurface on such a delightful weekend? why is it lingering only to haunt my waking hours? i did not sign up for this. no, no . no. maybe it's simply time to go back to bed.\ [it's the waiting that's eating me alive] one two three

On Tour With Zykos [12 May 2009|05:14pm] He gets close, but I choke. Take your shit, take your clothes And get out of my home. I want you to love me Or I want you long gone. You say your real name is John. Hey, thanks John. Go sings songs, go rock on; Roll your crew on down the road To the next sold out show. Think you can get up above me? Well, I want you to know You're a figure of fun to everyone Beneath the lone star, neon blue broken sign. They wish they were you, Like I wish you were mine. What a dumb thing to do. How come I shout goodbye when god knows I just want to Make this white lie big enough to climb inside with you? Another day, lost and gone. Clipping pages from the news for the senator's son. Well, he just strolls through the lobby And glad hands everyone. Another day, tossed and done. I go home, take off clothes smoke a bowl, watched a whole TV movie. I was supposed to be writing The most beautiful poems And completely revealing Divine mysteries upclose. I can't say that I'm feeling all that much at all At 27 years old I'm discussed with desire by the guys who conspire at the only decent bar in town. And they drink MGD's And they wish they had me Like I wish I had fire What a sad way to be What a girl who got tired So, I wonder who you got your hooks in tonight Was she happy to be hooked and on your arm? Did she feel alive? Her head all light one two three

[12 May 2009|03:33pm] I spent so many years counting calories that now the sheer mention of them makes me shudder. i do not want to know the calorie, fat or carb content. just protiene and fiber, please. muchless am i concerned with the amount of calories i am putting out. never consider how much is burned while doing a daily activity. and i love it one two three

[29 Apr 2009|07:51pm] i work at seven am for several mornings consecutively and that leaves little room for being as fucked up as i'd like to be. one two three

[18 Apr 2009|12:54pm] it is such such such a relief to never, ever never have to talk to him again. ahhhh glory day. :] one two three

[03 Apr 2009|11:21pm] i never thought he of all people would hurt me this bad. one two three

[02 Apr 2009|03:54pm] my white flag is raised high hurry before i change my mind. one two three

[30 Mar 2009|08:48am] In reality I'm not special at all. And I'm a foolish girl for thinking otherwise for a second. Always second best. Anyone can tell a white lie to get what they want. I guess I just see the best in people and pretend the world isn't built on a shakey stack of 3.5 billion years of lies lies lies Melodrama may be taking place or maybe I'm just opening my goddamn eyes idk I don't have enough pills to take this one away. one two three

[29 Mar 2009|03:15am] Its not fair its not fair I could have someone else answer for me. She taught me to drop it like its hot. I taught her to have sex with girls. One's about explotation and another's about passion and sometimes we mixed the other with another And although you're trying, trying all your best efforts go unnoticed So with your head held high with gravity's weight pushing down and all the bells saying so long, give up You'll keep trying It's all you got one two three

[28 Sep 2006|08:33pm] shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight. 2 | one two three

[07 Aug 2006|09:33pm] "I feel as if I am at a dead end and so I am finished. All spiritual facts I realize are true but I never escape the feeling of being closed in and the sordidness of self, the futility of all that I have seen and done and said. Maybe if I continued, things would please me more but now I have no hope and I am tired." - Allen Ginsberg one two three

[06 Aug 2006|10:39pm] "Oh, Sunday morning." one two three

[23 Jul 2006|10:32pm] She's my favorite girlfriend, btw. Don't laugh at my old webcam it's ghetto ( g ) one two three

[16 Jul 2006|01:28pm] i walk home barefooted all too often. literally. metaphorically. it's both true. one two three

[05 Jun 2006|03:15pm] <td align="left">Homesickness is just a state of mind for me. I'm always missing someone or someplace or something. I'm always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing. -elizabeth wurtzel</td><table> one two three

[03 Jun 2006|04:07pm] They don’t know how enormous my need is. They don’t know how much I will demand of them before I even think about getting better. They do not know that this is not some practice fire drill meant to prepare them for the real inferno, because the real thing is happening now. All the bells say: too late. It is much too late and I’m so sure that they are still not listening. They still don’t know that they need to do more and more and more, they need to try to get through to me until they haven’t slept or eaten or breathed fresh air for days. They have to suffer as I have. And even after they’ve done that, there will still be more. They will have to rearrange the order of the cosmos, they will have to end the cold war, they will have to act like loving, kind adults who carea bout each other, they will have to cure hunger in Ethiopia and end the sex-slave trade in Thailand and stop torture in Argentina. They will have to do more than they ever thought they could. They have no idea how much energy and exasperation I am willing to suck out of them until I feel better. I will drain them and drown them until they know how little of me there is left even after I’ve taken everything they’ve got to give because I hate them for not knowing. -prozac nation one two three

[15 Apr 2006|06:41pm] Someday boy you'll reap what you sow, you'll catch a cold and you'll be on your own and you will see that what's wrong with me, is wrong with everyone. But you want to play your little games of poetry and flowers, bitchy words and threats. You've gone to the dogs again and I'm not placing bets on you coming home tonight anything but blind. If you take me for granted that you must expect to find, surprise, surprise, Valentine's day is over, its over. Valentine's day is over, its over. If you want to talk about it well you know where the phone is. Don't come around reminding me again how brittle bone is. God didn't make you an angel, the devil made you a man. That the economy and brutality are related now I understand. I realize that as above, so below, there is no love. Valentine's day is over, its over. Valentine's day is over, its over. For the girl with the hour glass figure time runs out very fast. We used to want the same things, yeah, but that's all in the past. Lately it seems as it all gets tougher, your idea of justice just becomes rougher and rougher. Valentine's day is over, its over. Valentine's day is over, its over. Thank you for the things you got me. Thank you for the card. Thank you for the things you taught me when you hit me hard. That love between two people must be based on understanding until that's true you'll find your things stacked out on the landing, surprise, surprise. Valentine's day is over, its over. Valentine's day is over, its over. Its over. one two three

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